New City, New Identity: What's Really Happening

When a young adult leaves home for college, a transition program, or a new community, families naturally focus on the big outcomes. Success is subjective and individual to the person and their family. It can also bring fear. Will they succeed academically? Make friends? Hold a job? Manage their responsibilities? Build a fulfilling adult life?

For many families, these questions become even more intense when the opportunity involves moving away from a family home. Whether it is across the state or across the country the thought of a young adult living hundreds or thousands of miles away can feel overwhelming. Parents often wonder whether distance will make the challenges of adulthood harder to navigate. Yet, in many cases, it is the very experience of stepping into a new community, away from familiar routines and supports, that creates some of the most meaningful opportunities for growth. Our safety net creates the space for that exploration. We are proud students who get to walk the same walk as many other college students trying to find a way to step away, but with the comfort of community.

These questions matter. But after many years of working with young adults in transition, I have found that growth rarely happens through major milestones alone. More often, it develops through a series of small decisions, setbacks, and successes that may seem insignificant in the moment but ultimately shape who a person becomes. Moving away to a new space out of the family home for the first time can bring confusion for a parent in considering – what agreement do I have with my child? Can I be okay with their choices and find success in the smaller wins?

Parents and professionals often look for visible signs of progress. A passing grade. A completed semester. A successful internship. While those achievements are important, the real work of becoming an independent adult is often happening beneath the surface.

Developing Confidence

When a student moves away from home, those signs of progress can be harder for families to see. Parents are no longer witnessing every success, setback, or daily challenge firsthand; they aren’t able to be right there alongside to help. This can create anxiety and uncertainty. Yet growth is still happening, often in ways that are invisible from a distance. In fact, many young adults develop confidence precisely because they are learning to navigate life without immediate access to familiar supports. One benefit of our team is we can share with you these wins and be the relay and real time assessor; a partner in the team.

For students who have moved far from home, these moments can feel especially significant. Building a social network in an unfamiliar city requires vulnerability and resilience. While parents may worry about loneliness, the process of finding connection often becomes one of the most important contributors to long-term confidence and belonging.

Establishing a Sense of Identity

The same is true for everyday responsibilities. Grocery shopping, managing laundry, navigating transportation, scheduling appointments, balancing a budget, and maintaining a healthy routine may seem mundane. Yet these experiences are where autonomy is built. Each decision reinforces the understanding that “I can do this” and “I can figure this out.”

What is often overlooked is that these experiences are not just building skills. They are helping young adults develop a sense of identity.

Identity does not emerge from self-reflection alone. It develops through action. Young adults begin to discover what matters to them, what they enjoy, what challenges them, and how they want to spend their time. They learn what kind of friend they want to be, what responsibilities they can manage, and how they respond when things do not go according to plan.

The transition to adulthood may not just be the destination, its also experiences that answer “Who am I becoming?”

This is why setbacks are often an essential part of growth. Independence is not built by getting everything right the first time. It is built through repetition, problem-solving, and recovery. The student who learns from a missed deadline may be developing more lasting independence than the student who succeeds only because someone else managed the process for them.

More than Building Skills

Distance from home can be one of the greatest concerns for families, but it can also become one of the greatest teachers, which is why families see us as a partner. When young adults learn to solve problems, seek support, build relationships, and manage daily responsibilities in a new environment, they begin to see themselves differently. They discover capabilities they may never have recognized had they remained within the comfort of familiar routines.

As parents and professionals, we can support this growth by broadening our definition of success. Instead of focusing exclusively on outcomes, we can also look for evidence of ownership, resilience, initiative, and self-awareness.

When a young adult takes responsibility, recovers from a mistake, tries something new, or advocates for themselves, they are doing more than building a skill. They are developing autonomy. They are building confidence. And perhaps most importantly, they are shaping their identity as an emerging adult.

Those moments may seem small, but they are often the foundation upon which lasting independence is built.

Amy Radochonski is President of CLE. Previously, she helped lead CLE for 15 years as its VP of Programming. Amy has 22 years of experience in special education and as a behavioral consultant. She is also actively engaged in communities seeking to elevate experiences for neurodiverse students in higher education and the workplace. Radochonski is an alumna of the University of Oregon, holding a B.A. in Educational Studies, endorsed in Special Education, and a master’s in Educational Leadership.