Anonymous hopes, fears and realizations from our students
By Kelsey Klindt, Mentor CLE Davie
What happens if you leave an anonymous box in the common room of your local CLE center for a month and ask students to share topics they do not feel comfortable bringing up in person? If you’re like me, you might expect a few funny musings or adolescent jokes or possibly just a little bit of lint and maybe some random crumbs. You might be surprised at just how revealing your students can be.
I have been a mentor at CLE Davie for three years this month. I have worked with dozens of students and have gotten to know them pretty well. At times, we get to help with ongoing or repetitive problems, we can assist other staff members focusing on financial and academic issues, and we help resolve interpersonal disputes all while challenging our students to be engaged in socially appropriate conversation. As a mentor, we get the chance to talk about deeply personal topics, but there are still some things that I know are left unsaid, unexplored.
The Anonybox (patent pending) was a great tool to dive even deeper into our students’ thoughts. Some of our responses included common fears of bugs and spiders, but there were also core fears of the dark, being alone, and death. These are some of the most common fears in our society, and if we took a poll of the general population, they would probably rank the highest, though they are rarely talked about in the open. These fears might mean something even greater for our students who have already had to adapt to a confusing and sometimes scary world.
The existential fear of being alone is why CLE is such a gem for our students. Given the fact that CLE has students (and staff) from all over the globe, and all walks of life, they are constantly surrounded by supportive peers and staff who can related to such experiences. By learning how to live independently, our students must regulate these feelings, find ways to entertain themselves, and be okay with having some times of solitude. Yes, that means that every now and then they must tackle getting rid of a bug on their own as well.
Another unexpected note simply asked, “Why am I gay?” Oh, did I say simple? There is nothing simple about addressing this with students. CLE is meant to serve as a safe place for all students, but even in the current state of society, this can be a terrifying discussion to bring up. Speaking about sex and sexuality can be embarrassing, but it is an important conversation to have.
Another concern that might be raised is how to address these issues when there are differences among gender or sexual orientation between the students and staff members. In a one-on-one session, the discussion could turn very personal very quickly; however, if addressed in a group setting, each individual may feel uncomfortable asking questions or bringing up their own experiences. Just because these topics can be considered taboo and present a significant challenge does not mean they should be avoided or left unexplored. Given the success of the Anonybox, maybe it would be best bring in another to address specific questions in a group setting where more than one student could have the same concerns without calling attention to any one individual.
These fears and concerns that were left anonymously the past month are linked by another note we received:
“My dreams are to be loved, for the respect everyone needs, to inspire, make people happy, and unite.”
It is crucial to promote unity and give, receive, and teach respect among our students. What better place to practice these skills than in an environment specifically designed to do so without the fear of ridicule. Having a well-rounded educator can be helpful to foster productive communication about sensitive topics and prevent offensive remarks. But it is important to remember the good things, the hopes and wishes, so that we can continue moving forward. Everyone deserves respect and having these conversations with a trusted person can help each individual recognize how they should be treated and how they should treat others. I am happy to be part of such an inspiring community, especially as I continue to learn from my students.
